Boom Shaka-La-Ka; Part 2

We began this quest yesterday by determining who the teams in the Eastern Conference would be in NBA Jam if it existed today. Here is part 2 of our discussion: The Western Conference.


Golden State Warriors: Jackson and Ellis
This team is garbage. Both are fast, but neither is a great 3 point shooter and neither defends for shit.

LA Clippers: Davis and Camby
Baron knocking down the 3s and explosive speed next to Camby's dominant defensive ability. Scotty claims he could take anyone with this team.

LA Lakers: Bryant and Gasol
This team is excellent. Obviously Kobe would be one of the better players in this game. Pau can block shots and is a decent shooter as well. Not the best team, but definitely one of the elite.

Phoenix Suns: Nash and Stoudemire
This team would be dominant. Nash could hit any 3s and Stoudemire can dunk and defend with decent shooting ability. This team is similar to the Utah Jazz of the original game (mostly because Nash is white). Like Stockton from that game, Nash would be easily pushed around. This would still be a very good team.

Sacramento Kings: Martin and Miller
This team would not be great. Although on paper they seem to have the big man/small man combo, unfortunately for the Kings both those players suck.

Dallas Mavericks: Kidd and Nowitzki
Kidd is a terrible NBA Jam player. He can't shoot 3s, not a good dunker, not great speed, and average defense. Dirk would make up for this with his 3 point shooting ability a little, but overall this team is not that good. If this were NBA Jam 2005, this team would be a decent squad. Too bad.

Houston Rockets: McGrady and Yao
These two complement each other very well. McGrady can shoot the 3 and make some spectacular dunks, while Yao would be a good rebounding defensive player that can dunk pretty well. How many goaltendings a game do you think you could get with Yao if it was all you were trying to do? A lot I bet.

Memphis Grizzlies: Gay and Mayo
This team would be fun to play with. Both are fast and Mayo can shoot very well. Gay would dunk everything. That being said, they would be pushed around and not be able to stop anyone. This is a mediocre team just because of their speed and dunking ability.

New Orleans Hornets: Paul and West
Perhaps Chandler would be a better fit with Paul, but West was an all-star and would probably be the one in the game. Paul might be the fastest player in the game. He would rack up the steals. He's a good enough shooter and can dunk. He is just too small so he would be pushed around a bit. West would be average across the board. This team is another mediocre squad.

San Antonio Spurs: Parker and Duncan
Parker would be fast and can shoot decently. Duncan would be a defensive presence and a good dunker. What's missing? 3 pointers. Still a pretty good team with Duncan though.

Denver Nuggets: Billups and Anthony
This team can shoot. This is like the Golden State Warriors in the original game. Also, Billups defense might be just good enough to overcome the lack of size on this team. They are not a top tier team, but would be a force to be reckoned with.

Minnesota Timberwolves: Jefferson and Foye
All you need to know about this team is that we had to decide between Mike Miller, Randy Foye and Rashard McCants for who to put next to Jefferson. Gross.

Oklahoma City Thunder: Durant and Green
This team might be worse than the Wolves, but at least Durant would be fun to play with. I guess.

Portland Trailblazers: Roy and Oden
Even though Aldridge is playing better than Oden right now, Oden is the #1 pick. This team would be an average team. Roy is an average 3 point shooter, both have average speed, both are average dunkers. Oden would be a good defender but that is about it.

Utah Jazz: Williams and Boozer
This would be a good team. Boozer would be a good dunker and shooter. Deron can shoot the 3 and defend. The advantage he would have over other guards is his strength, which would keep him from being pushed around.

So who plays in our NBA Jam Championship? My pick would be the Lakers vs. Magic. Magic would win unless the Lakers made some kind of last second full court shot that only exists in the world of NBA Jam.

Here's a little video to remind you of a sick assist from Scott Skiles to Nick Anderson that ends in a backboard-shattering slam:

Qualified Links (Today's Links)

• The Hawks win again. Maybe I should be watching them more during the sports wasteland known as "February".
• Illinois continues its cold play against Wisconsin. It's never easy to win in Madison but this one would have been big.
• It looks like there is going to be a movie made about the book Moneyball and Brad Pitt is going to be starring as Billy Beane. Score one for sabremetrics!
• Elton Brand is being shut down for the season with shoulder problems. Will he ever be the force that he once was? Regardless of the injuries I think Chicago fans will always regret trading him for Chandler.
• Dusty Baker wants to recreate the Chicago Cubs he coached a few years back in Cincinnati. Today's acquisitions? Daryle Ward and Jacque Jones.
• BDL is going to do a 2 on 2 tournament of NBA teams, sort of like an NBA Jam. Hey that was my idea! Well we all know Skeets will do it better than me anyways.
• Looks like Gordon is a little put off by the fact he wasn't selected for the 3 point contest.
  

Boom Shaka-La-Ka Part 1

If you grew up in the 1990s, then you probably remember a game called NBA Jam. Remember? Who am I kidding? You loved that game, and so did I. So the question today is: What would the teams be like now if there was an NBA Jam 2009 Edition? Before we get started, there are some ground rules. First off, we will be doing it like the original arcade edition, which means only two players per team with no subs. Also, we will be taking into account not just who is best, but who would probably be in the game for other reasons (marketing, etc.). We will do the Eastern Conference today and the Western Conference tomorrow.

Just to recap what made up the best squads, the teams that were traditionally best were the ones that combined a big man who could defend and block shots and a 3-point shooter who could get steals. The four player rating categories were speed, 3 point shooting, dunking, and defense. With some help from my buddy Scotty, here are your 2009 Eastern Conference NBA Jam teams (Current for today's roster, not taking into account any injuries):

Boston Celtics: Pierce and Garnett
This would be a great team. Garnett is the dominant dunking and defensive player who can also hit the occasional 3. Pierce can score from anywhere on the court.

New Jersey Nets: Jianlian and Carter
I know I know, it should be Devin Harris instead of Yi. But those Asians love their video games and you would have to think they wouldn't pass on the opportunity to sell more games. This team is fun because Carter's dunking ability, but probably not that great a team. What's the bigger market, Jersey or China? Enough said.

New York Knicks: Harrington and Lee
Just like in real life, this team makes me want to vomit. Oh and they would suck. Knicks fans are holding out for NBA Jam 2k10 with Lebron James and Stephon Curry.

Philadelphia 76ers: Iguodala and Brand
This team would be average. Brand can defend the paint and block shots. Iggy's dunking ability is through the roof, but without the ability to consistently hit 3s, this team is not one of the elite.

Toronto Raptors: Bargnani and Bosh
This reminds us of the Charlotte Hornets from the original game. Two big men that are decent in all categories. That being said, they are the poor man's Hornets, since Bargnani is no Larry Johnson. Also, how much defense would this team play? About as much as the Raptors do in real life.

Chicago Bulls: Rose and Deng
This might be the worst team in the game. Neither can shoot 3s, neither can defend the paint well. They both have decent speed and dunking, but that isn't enough. Sound familiar?

Cleveland Cavaliers: Ilgauskas and James
This would be an elite team. Neither one would be knocked down easily. Both players can shoot and defend. You have to assume Lebron would have almost perfect scores in most categories. This team would be tough to beat. This would be one of those teams where you try to have Lebron take every shot.

Detroit Pistons: Iverson and Wallace
Sheed would take care of business. He is a big man that can shoot the 3 and block shots. AI would be all speed, but he would get pushed around much like Stockton did in the original game. This could work, but not a top-tier team.

Indiana Pacers: Murphy and Granger
Is there a slower team in the game? No need to explain this one, but it would be bad.

Milwaukee Bucks: Redd and Bogut
This was a tough one. We could have gone with Jefferson over Bogut, but the traditional big man/small man combo won out here. This team would not be great, but with Redd shooting the lights out, they would make it interesting.

Atlanta Hawks: Johnson and Smith
This would be a very tough team to beat. This team would have speed, shooting, defense and dunking. Is there anything else? No? No one would want to play against the Hawks.

Charlotte Bobcats: Okafor and Wallace
This team is actually far better than you would expect from the Bobcats. They still wouldn't be good, however. The lack of 3 point shooting in this game is almost impossible to overcome.

Miami Heat: Wade and Marion
You would think that without a big man or a pure shooter that this team would struggle, but you would be wrong. This team would be fast, strong and a great power-dunking team. Don't underestimate them.

Orlando Magic: Lewis and Howard
There is an argument to be made that Lewis, Turkoglu or Nelson could all be paired up with Howard. We went with Lewis because of his lights out 3 point shooting. Howard would dominate the paint defensively and be able to dunk from anywhere inside the 3-point line. This team is definitely one of the best.

Washington Wizards: Arenas and Jamison
Are you in the mood to shoot half court shots the whole game? Then this is your team. They wouldn't be able to defend anyone, but they would be fun to play with.

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