Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm Not Saying Eddy Curry Gets Hot Chicks, I'm Just Saying He Can Do Better Than A Chauffeur

Eddy Curry is a fat, stupid slob, but this story is a little over the top. The New York Post (I know, I know, the Post is basically a tabloid, but you can't miss this, trust me) is reporting that Eddy Curry is being charged with sexually harassing a chauffeur. Yeah you heard me. You have to read it to believe it:
The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky "in the nude," allegedly telling him, "Look at me, Dave, look" and "Come and touch it, Dave."

Curry also made Kuchinsky perform "humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them," the Manhattan federal court suit says.

Kuchinsky, who is straight and Jewish, also alleges racial discrimination, saying that Curry hurled slurs at him including "f---ing Jew," "cracker," "white slave," "white devil" and "grandmaster of the KKK."

First of all, this is most likely not true. For as fat and useless as Eddy is, he's never made any indication that he is mean-spirited, racist, or just a dick in general. Liking buttery popcorn and not trying on the court is a far cry from what this accusation is saying.

Whether it is true or not, couldn't Fat Eddy do a little better than some little white Jew? I mean he is a multi-millionaire. I don't know if there are gay groupies, but I would have to think there are. And why is he jerking off into towels in his car? Seriously? I jerk off on my couch when my girlfriend isn't home, but Eddy Fucking Curry has to hide in his car when he does it? More on this story as it develops...

(Thanks to Zach over at SlowBreaker for the tip)

3 comments:

JFKFC said...

What an awesome case to be a juror on:

"As Exhibit A, the People would like to admit 'soiled' towels one through seven hundred for the jury to examine in their deliberations."

Stormin' Norman Disciple said...

This is the conversation between my girlfriend and I after she read this post:

My GF: Do you really do that on the couch? I thought you blogged on the couch!

Me: Do you even know what "blogging" really means?

Zachalicious said...

I realize that Curry may not be reading this blog for the next few weeks (obviously due to intensive litigation and family pressure), but may I be the first to ask:

Does this mean that you have an opening at the chauffeur position?

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