T.J. Houshmandzadeh Open To Play For Bears, Likes The Sex Cannon

T.J. Houshmazilli was on the Waddle and Sylvie radio show on ESPN1000 yesterday morning and he seemed interested in playing for the Bears. Here are some of the highlights:

On whether or not he is interested in "the offer" that Tom Waddle made to him about possibly coming to the city of Chicago and playing for the Bears:

"Yeah, they have to be interested first. If you worked in the front office, or you were a tight end, we could really talk, but I don't know how much that's going to do for me to say I'm interested or I'm not interested."

On what his gut feeling is regarding whether or not Chicago would be a good "landing spot" for him:

"No, I don't know. You know what's funny, man? Y'all probably going to laugh at me when I tell you this; I kind of like Rex Grossman."

His comments after Waddle and Silvy reiterate that Grossman isn't going to be with the Bears this upcoming season:

"No, but I'm saying… I always watched on T.V. how they give Rex Grossman a hard time. I don't know why. He takes chances, but when those chances pay off, nobody talks about them."

He also had some other interesting comments. His love of Grossman is hilarious, but in all seriousness he may be a good fit for the Bears. Although he has spent much of his career as a slot receiver and an inside guy, isn't that what the Bears really need? We haven't had a good possession receiver since Marty Booker had that 100 catch season a few years back. Hester can already stretch the field a bit. Obviously Housh would be a huge step up from anyone in our receiving corps currently. Let's hope Angelo can make this happen.

Today's Links

• Oh, please no! Does the Basanez signing mean the Sex Cannon Era has ended in Chicago?
  
• Bulls beat Hornets sans Chris Paul 107-93. That's four out of five for Chicago...break em up!
• Some Big Ten recruiting notes the day after National Signing Day.
• Some are wondering: does Michael Phelps' insane lung capacity allow him to take monster bong hits?
• NQTC came in 11th out of 21 teams in the HHR Cup for the NFL fantasy playoffs. It was our first year and it takes a while to implement our system!
• Michigan State pounded Minnesota last night. They're dominant again. Wildcats won too; take that Chicago State.
• Which is more impressive, Kobe's 61 in MSG or Lebron's 52 with a side of triple-double? The Browns can't wait to get this guy.
• What if all NBA players played for their local teams? The Wizards would be fun to watch, that's what.

Five Chicago Athletes that could Challenge the Bulls

So the Bulls have been pretty awful this season and there is no way around that. I saw that Lebron commercial where he suits up for the Browns and it got me thinking: are there five athletes in Chicago that could give the Bulls a run for their money?

Okay, there aren't, but let's try like hell to find a suitable starting five. We'll only deal with the other three major sports, so if there is a 7'4" roller derby star out there, we're out of luck.

Center: Kellen Davis (TE, Bears)

I figure we should start out with the big men, because just like the NBA, they are hard to come by. The biggest man I came across was Adam Russell, a 6'8" reliever for the Sox. I think we're going to look to the Bears for our center though. The candidates are Israel Idonije (6-7, 295) and Kellen Davis (6-7, 262). I'm going to go with the versatile Kellen Davis here. Davis played both DE and TE at Michigan State (basketball school!) and displayed an impressive 34" vertical jump at the combine. Plus, all he has to do is stop Noah and Thomas. Big deal.

Power Forward: Derrek Lee (1B, Cubs)

Okay, so we need a little more size at the PF spot and I think I'll go straight to Derrick Lee for this spot. Obviously undersized for a PF, but we know he plays great defense, right? Not to mention all of that crazy footwork at first base. I can see D Lee being the turn-around jumper of the glass kind of guy that this team needs. Plus, dealing with Big Z all the time will help when it comes to not being scared of Drew Gooden.

Small Forward: Jeff Samardzija (RP, Cubs)

At SF we need someone who can do a little bit of everything. Quick enough to get to the basket, but versatile enough to knock down shots. Also, he needs to be able to match up with Luol Deng. There's only one guy with the size and athleticism that comes to mind here and that's Jeff Samardzija. Jeff is 6'5" and showed he has the hops and quicks to keep up with Deng, from his football days at Notre Dame. Don't let that hair remind you too much of Adam Morrison, this kid can actually play!

Shooting Guard: Rex Grossman (QB, Bears)

Plain and simple, this guy needs to knock down the open shot. It shouldn't be hard to get open with the likes of Ben Gordon defending, so quickness isn't that big of a concern. I'm throwing around some of Chicago's shooters...Toews? Nah, too Canadian. Quentin has a cannon, but...Cannon! Hands down, it's the Sex Cannon. You know he'll gun it from everywhere. "Is that Kellen Davis with a solid post seal? Yep, but I bet I can jack up this three!" We need a slinger and there is only one man in this town with that kind of rep.

Point Guard: Matt Forte (RB, Bears)

This is very important, we need a floor general. Someone who can take care of the ball and maybe put the team on his back if need be. I like Patrick Kane's passing ability, but he's much too small and white; bad combo. Buehrle is the kind of leader and steady hand we need, but there is no chance he keeps up with Rose. To deal with the Bulls' amazing rookie, I'm going with a fellow Chicago rook, Matt Forte. At 6'2" and 216 we know he has the size and strength to slow down Rose. He's quick, with great vision, and don't almost all of the Bears' plays run through Forte already?

So I ended up with all Bears and Cubs, but I think it's a solid squad. Let us know what you think in the comments.

Bears Should Not Have Won, But Who Cares?

In a game that was almost as ugly as it was cold, the Bears pulled it off against the Pack to keep their playoff dreams alive. I was at the game and it was UGLY. The Packers outplayed the Bears in almost every phase of the game, and the only reason the Bears won was a blocked field goal in the 4th quarter. Thank god Forte decided to play hard all of a sudden late in the game to propel the Bears to the victory. Oh and as usual Maynard and Gould looked excellent when they were called upon.

Basically the Bears now need one of the following to happen in order to make the playoffs:

For Division Title:

Bears Win; AND
Vikings Loss

For Wild Card:

Bears Win; AND
Bucs Loss; AND
Dallas Loss

If the Bears can beat the Texans they have a very good shot at the division and even a slim chance at the wild card.

There are two big question marks from last night's game (and most of the season). Kyle Orton and Ron Turner. Orton had another terrible game. 2 more picks runs his total interceptions in the last 4 games to 8. 8! The guy was supposed to be a low-risk quarterback. I don't know how it looked on TV, but it was like he just wasn't seeing DBs in his passing lanes, even though they were right there in front of his face. I'm not saying the Bears should shell out 80 bazillion dollars for Matt Cassel, but this situation needs to be fixed immediately. Orton seems to be the kind of leader this offense needs and respects, but the turnovers have got to stop. It's like he has a case of the "Grossman"s without the touchdowns (I'm not saying bring back Rex, I'm just saying).

The other question is Ron Turner. I heard an interesting point last night. If we all think back to the mid-90s when Erik Kramer had 4000 yards passing and the Bears had a record-setting offense (for the Bears at least), guess who was calling the plays? Ron Turner. This guy can obviously call plays and is well-respected around the league, but something just isn't right. Why wasn't he hitting Forte on passes out of the backfield? It was clearly a hole in the Packers defense. In his and Orton's defense, the wide receivers on this team suck. I'm not sure they are even trying to get open. Something on this offense needs to change for next year, because the talent is there.

All in all, it's a good day to be a Bears fan. Bring on the Texans.

Today's Links--Vinny Screwed Me Out of $5 Edition

• Could the Cubs possibly acquire Peavy (and his big contract) and afford to pay Dempster? A Zambrano, Peavy, Dempster, Harden, Lilly rotation sounds pretty good.
• The punky QB weighs in on his dad's beef with BYU.
• Is Nocioni a dirty player? BullsLive thinks he's the Hines Ward of the NBA.
• Chicago Fire advance to the conference finals. I don't know anything about soccer, but that sounds pretty exciting.
  
• Reasons the Bears could beat the unbeaten Titans this week (yes, even with the Sex Cannon under center).
• Matt at Blogabull is sick of the "Gimmicky" lineups too. I couldn't agree more. In fact I would argue it cost me $5. (Note to StevieY19: get your $5 from Vinny, he's the one that screwed that game up with his "I don't care about rebounding" lineup)

Neckbeard Thinks He's Starting

The Sex Cannon is back! It's going to be a longball-slinging, risk-taking party! Wooo...wait, what? Orton thinks he is still going to play this week? That neckbeard must have mutant healing powers because Kyle thinks he might play this week:

"I'm certainly not ruling out anything," Orton said when asked if he could play soon. "Just going week to week."

Orton said he has an ankle sprain. A source said Orton was told he'd be out three to four weeks but the quarterback isn't putting a timetable on his return.

"I feel like I got lucky," Orton said. "I'm hoping I don't miss any time."

I hope this didn't kill your boner StevieY19.

He's Back, and You Know It!

After calling for it earlier in the season, you can imagine how excited I am that the Sex Cannon is back in Chicago. Bears football is exciting again. Sure, the defense has tried to make it fun this year, giving up tons of points, falling behind to the Lions, and blowing games late, but this is what it's all about. Orton tried to woo me with his efficiency and success, but I'm not interested.

Time for the Cannon to fire it down the field, even when he has a guy open at the sticks. He's not scared. Rexy is a free agent at the end of the season and this is his chance to show some team that wants a bad ass gunslinger that he's their guy. I'm thinking the Lions.

Orton liked to overthrow his guys when they had a defender beat, but you should be prepared for the Cannon to let those guys run for a while longer and then try to throw the ball out of the back of the end zone. If you find yourself asking why this is a good idea, Rexy would tell you it's only second down and he can still blaze a bullet to Dez Clark on third down, plus the ladies love it. Then he'd kick you in the shin for asking a stupid question, because that's how he rolls.

The Sex Cannon knows that the Bears are in a tight race for the playoffs and have a good shot at winning this terrible division. Rex is no idiot, he has a plan. Don't get excited, you'll see the same old Cannon, but expect the defense to play better and Hester to finally come around in the return game. Is it Sex Cannon magic? No, the defense and special teams will be better because they know they have to. No more Orton bailing them out of games. They know that Sexy Rexy is too awesome to change, so it'll be on the rest of them to get the wins. Plus, yes it actually will be Sex Cannon magic.

Will he fumble some? Yes. Will he throw some picks and other terrible passes? Yes. But will this cost the Bears football games? Well, probably yes. But this is going to be a hell of a ride!

Sex Cannon Saves The Day

In honor Rex Grossman coming back, here's a video tribute to the Sex Cannon via KSK:

Bears Fun With Urban Dictionary

I tried this with the Cubs and it turned out pretty funny, so lets see how it goes with the Bears. Urban Dictionary is a great website. It is basically like wikipedia in that it is user generated, but the difference is it is for slang or "urban" words. Anyways, I decided to see how people "defined" certain Bears players, and I found some pretty funny ones. My favorite part is the italics, where the word is used in a sentence. Enjoy.

Orton-

A really disgusting sexual move where the man uses his penis to caress his own mouth to "turn on" a pig. Technically known as doing the orton.

"I just did this sick orton maaaaaaaaaan!!!!, because the pig was annoying me!"


Lance Briggs-

Dopey Chicago Bear that the Bears put the franchise tag on, so he threatened to hold out the season on the advice of his agent, who took the fight to the press. He eventually signed a one year deal instead of the multi-year guaranteed money deal he wanted. Subsequently he crashed his Lamborgdini at 3 AM and fled the scene. It would have been ironic if he would had a career ending injury, because the Bears wouldn't have been on the hook for the multi year deal.

Lance Briggs almost pulled a Ben Rothslenberger.


Rex Grossman-

1. To choke in the clutch, big game, under deadlines. To suck.

You sure did a Rex Grossman on that project Frank; you're fired.

2. A very slow spin move in Madden, used mostly by a QB.

"Shit dude, you just pulled a Rex Grossman."


Robbie Gould-

	adequentally and equally known as RFG. RFG is the kicker for the chicago bears, is the second coming of god, known for his 69 yard field goal in triple overtime from 1 leg with his eyes closed! oo yea and left footed. Robbie Fucking Gould is AMAZING is actually better then devin hester. not really "rfg is god and robbie gould"

Thank you Urban Dictionary for hours of fun. I'll run one of these on the Bulls soon. Lets just hope the Sex Cannon doesn't do an Orton on RFG. I don't know what that means either.

Bears Lacking in the "Artillery" Department

Bring back the Cannon!!!

If I'm going to watch the Bears lose, it better come with a side of hilarity in the form of the Sex Cannon. Orton is just so boring. Sure, he'll make a good throw now and then, but where are the interceptions twenty yards over the nearest receiver? Where are the fumbles that leave you in suspense during the first couple and rolling in laughter after the next three?

Seriously, I don't need to watch the Bears put up 17 points per week with the defense and special teams setting them all up and no Cannonage in the offense. We can watch Orton throw screen passes to defensive ends or Sexy Rexy sling bombs to safeties turned punt returners. Personally, I don't see a debate.

Bring back the Cannon and put the funniliungus back in the Bears offense.