Wednesday, November 5, 2008

He's Back, and You Know It!

After calling for it earlier in the season, you can imagine how excited I am that the Sex Cannon is back in Chicago. Bears football is exciting again. Sure, the defense has tried to make it fun this year, giving up tons of points, falling behind to the Lions, and blowing games late, but this is what it's all about. Orton tried to woo me with his efficiency and success, but I'm not interested.

Time for the Cannon to fire it down the field, even when he has a guy open at the sticks. He's not scared. Rexy is a free agent at the end of the season and this is his chance to show some team that wants a bad ass gunslinger that he's their guy. I'm thinking the Lions.

Orton liked to overthrow his guys when they had a defender beat, but you should be prepared for the Cannon to let those guys run for a while longer and then try to throw the ball out of the back of the end zone. If you find yourself asking why this is a good idea, Rexy would tell you it's only second down and he can still blaze a bullet to Dez Clark on third down, plus the ladies love it. Then he'd kick you in the shin for asking a stupid question, because that's how he rolls.

The Sex Cannon knows that the Bears are in a tight race for the playoffs and have a good shot at winning this terrible division. Rex is no idiot, he has a plan. Don't get excited, you'll see the same old Cannon, but expect the defense to play better and Hester to finally come around in the return game. Is it Sex Cannon magic? No, the defense and special teams will be better because they know they have to. No more Orton bailing them out of games. They know that Sexy Rexy is too awesome to change, so it'll be on the rest of them to get the wins. Plus, yes it actually will be Sex Cannon magic.

Will he fumble some? Yes. Will he throw some picks and other terrible passes? Yes. But will this cost the Bears football games? Well, probably yes. But this is going to be a hell of a ride!

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