Friday, November 7, 2008

Soccer Weekly With Rob

Rob will be our regular (maybe) soccer analyst and fan. He is especially qualified for the job because of his love for the game and minority status. Enjoy!

Because I was too lazy to write a preview of last night’s Chicago Fire game, I’ve decided to save the analysis until next week’s conference final match-up and address a more light-hearted issue today: fans.

I was at last nights game, and while enjoying the 3-0 beatdown the Fire put on the Revs (avenging last years playoff loss to them…and the year before that…and the year before that…), I came to the realization that the American soccer fan is a better fan than any other major sports fan in this country. Seriously, we’re more knowledgeable about the game and its nuances, more loyal to our hometown teams, and funnier.

For example, last night, even the average (i.e. non-Ultra, non-Hooligan, non-Firm) fan in the stadium last night knew when to cheer for a player that ran 60-yards towards his own goal to make a hard tackle in the middle of the field. Hardly sexy, game changing stuff, but that’s the kind of attitude that leads to very sexy 3-0 playoff victories…and the average soccer fan knows and appreciates this. Additionally, there’s the mock-cheers for awful shots, the mild applause for good attacks that don’t quite work out, and the notable absence of a stupid PA announcer (“Pump! It! Up! Chicago!), cheerleaders, and cheesy jock-rock (“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!!) amid all the action. This is almost 100% self-motivated.

This brings me to my favorite part, the chants. Imagine entire sections of the stadium belting out these gems:

Every time the opposing goalie runs up to take a goal kick – “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” goalie makes contact with the ball – “You suck asshole!!”

When Chris Rolfe is subbed out of the game after a 1 goal, 1 assist performance – “Chris Roooolfe played great tonight!! Chris Rooooolfe is getting laid tonight!!”

70 minutes into the 3-0 ass-whooping – “Chiiiii-town Beeeeatdown, Chiiiii-town Beeeeatdown.”

And that’s just a brief sample. Sound fun? Then go support the Fire (if they snag home-field advantage) next Thursday. Sound stupid? Then go see for yourself how wrong you are. On to more serious stuff next week.


Ezra said...

Nice article Rob. I hope to see more soccer stuff on here.

You're right about the quality of fanship embodied by the average American soccer fan. I think that we've developed a refined appreciation of the sport due to constantly having to defend it against degenerates who prefer the barbarism of football and baseball.

Anonymous said...

You might be the stupidest person on earth, do the world a favor and go jump off the Sears Tower

StevieY19 said...

This is serious stuff. Go see the Fire. I saw the National Team play at Toyota Park a couple months ago and it was great.

And I totally agree that the absence of PA announcers and terrible music is a plus. Who needs amped up music when everyone is already singing anyway?

StevieY19 said...

Ooo, Anonymous bringin' the heat.

Anonymous said...

Stevie Y? As in Yzerman? As a Wings fan please join him in the Sears Tower leap

real stadiums have roofs said...

i'm so sick of this blog touting socialism. i am this close to moving to hong kong.

Anonymous said...

Not qualified to comment indeed

real stadiums have roofs said...

just now read the post. that's some good stuff.

Rob said...

8 comments on my first post AND a troll!?!? That's a damn good start.

Rob said...

oh, and thanks for the love fellas.

Anonymous said...

Start? So there is going to be more of this godawful horseshit? Please, I wasn't kidding about the Sears Tower, do it not for me, for the world.

Jenya said...

Hm.. I wonder if it plays out likewise way out west, where I live.

I've been rather apprehensive of Galaxy (I..I don't like Becks) and, well, pretty darn oblivious of Chivas and thus living off the stuff fed to me by Setanta and otherwise the televizzle.
I miss going to the stadium, singing... and all that other good stuff.
Should I risk my good faith and visit the ol' Home Depot? (stadium, not store)

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