A Concise and Effective Plan for the Chicago Bears Offseason

Obviously we have a few months to analyze what the Bears needs are in the off-season. I have heard a lot of talk about quarterbacks, receivers, defensive backs, etc. Without doing any in-depth research, my initial conclusions are short and sweet, but don't hold me to them:

• We need a premier wide receiver. Trade for Anquan Boldin or sign a free agent. (NOT an overpaid veteran on the downslope of his career i.e. Mushin Muhammed).



• This goes against what I just said, but if Jeremy Maclin is on the board at 18, how can you not take him?



• Do not spend a lot of money on a quarterback! Get a decent backup (Leftwich or Chris Simms maybe?), but do not overspend on someone who may or may not be more effective than Neckbeard. I'm looking at you Matt Cassel, Kerry Collins and Kurt Warner! Stay away from Chicago.



• Let Jerry Angelo do what he does best, improve the defense through the draft. Most of the effective players that made the Bears defense great these last few years were drafted in middle and late rounds by Jerry. He is a great talent evaluator when it comes to defensive playmakers that fit the Cover 2 system. Let him do his thing. My top suggestion is to draft an entirely new secondary. Even though I still like Peanut, we need depth at all 4 defensive back positions.



• That being said, maybe bringing in Julius Peppers to replace an aging Ogunleye isn't a bad idea.



• Is Urlacher's day done? Not quite, but maybe it's time to look for a legitimate replacement for him in the draft for 2-3 years from now. If you're one of those people that wants to move Briggs to the middle, then look for Briggs replacement.

The biggest changes that need to be made are obviously with the coaching staff. If Lovie can't change the mindset of the defense, then it won't matter what personnel they bring in. More draft coverage to come as it draws closer.

Today's Links

• Exciting Fiesta Bowl last night. Well, the end was exciting...and these shots.
• Pat Burrell signs with Tampa Bay. That means he doesn't get to beat the Cubs in Wrigley anymore right?
• Jerry Angelo wants someone to push Kyle Orton in camp next fall. Why not Kurt Warner? 1. His wife. 2. Well, you can put the rest in the comments.
• White Sox are not ready to deal for Brian Roberts. It's a Chicago thing.
• Report (read: rumor) is that Marinelli has been offered by the Bears to coach the defensive line.
• The Bears blitzed a lot this season. Here's an article that tells you so.
• Why Utah should be the National Champions. Religious freedom, that's why!
• So the fans vote for the NHL all-star starters, but who really deserves to start?

Today's Links-Too Many Links Edition

• Illini get a big win against Purdue on the road. They're on the map.
• The Hawks streak finally ends against the Wings, but hopefully will just be a minor bump in the road. I guess they didn't have a lot of 'kills' tonight.
  
• Apparently Drew Gooden is going to start blogging. Welcome to the blogosphere Drew. Unfortunately his first post wasn't very interesting, but hopefully he'll write some crazy stuff soon.
• Fake Ron Turner press conference following the Bears game.
  
• Worst columnist predications of 2008. Hilarious.
  
• The Denver Broncos fired Mike Shanahan. It appears no NFL coach is safe these days.
• Looks like the Cubs are about to deal Marquis to the Rockies for Luis Vizcaino, but mostly they'll be getting $5 million dollars in salary relief.
• Babich and Orton don't have much job security either. Apparently Angelo is interested in Marinelli too.
  
• So Hinrich will be coming back sooner than we thought. Obviously that's a good thing, but with the glut of guards, it may cause more problems than it solves.
• Did the Heat disrespect the Bulls the other night? It appears they did.
  

One Question Mark Down, 73 to Go; Neckbeard to Start in 2009

According to the Chicago Tribune, Kyle Orton will be the starting quarterback for the Chicago Bears next year:

After Sunday's season-ending 31-24 loss to the Texans, offensive coordinator Ron Turner said Orton will head into training camp next July as the unchallenged starting quarterback for the first time in his career.
"No question about it," Turner said. "He played really well [in 2008]. It took him a while to get back in the groove because of his ankle [injury Nov. 2]. I still don't think he's 100 percent."
"All players will have competition … everybody is in that same group," Smith said. "But Kyle Orton is our quarterback."

So that answers that question I guess. Turner's rationale for keeping Orton as the starter is that he was still hurt for most of the second half of the season and that hindered his development and performance. Personally I have been in favor of keeping him all along, if only for lack of better options. If the Bears can just get him a good free agent WR like Boldin I think he will really shine.

Bears Should Not Have Won, But Who Cares?

In a game that was almost as ugly as it was cold, the Bears pulled it off against the Pack to keep their playoff dreams alive. I was at the game and it was UGLY. The Packers outplayed the Bears in almost every phase of the game, and the only reason the Bears won was a blocked field goal in the 4th quarter. Thank god Forte decided to play hard all of a sudden late in the game to propel the Bears to the victory. Oh and as usual Maynard and Gould looked excellent when they were called upon.

Basically the Bears now need one of the following to happen in order to make the playoffs:

For Division Title:

Bears Win; AND
Vikings Loss

For Wild Card:

Bears Win; AND
Bucs Loss; AND
Dallas Loss

If the Bears can beat the Texans they have a very good shot at the division and even a slim chance at the wild card.

There are two big question marks from last night's game (and most of the season). Kyle Orton and Ron Turner. Orton had another terrible game. 2 more picks runs his total interceptions in the last 4 games to 8. 8! The guy was supposed to be a low-risk quarterback. I don't know how it looked on TV, but it was like he just wasn't seeing DBs in his passing lanes, even though they were right there in front of his face. I'm not saying the Bears should shell out 80 bazillion dollars for Matt Cassel, but this situation needs to be fixed immediately. Orton seems to be the kind of leader this offense needs and respects, but the turnovers have got to stop. It's like he has a case of the "Grossman"s without the touchdowns (I'm not saying bring back Rex, I'm just saying).

The other question is Ron Turner. I heard an interesting point last night. If we all think back to the mid-90s when Erik Kramer had 4000 yards passing and the Bears had a record-setting offense (for the Bears at least), guess who was calling the plays? Ron Turner. This guy can obviously call plays and is well-respected around the league, but something just isn't right. Why wasn't he hitting Forte on passes out of the backfield? It was clearly a hole in the Packers defense. In his and Orton's defense, the wide receivers on this team suck. I'm not sure they are even trying to get open. Something on this offense needs to change for next year, because the talent is there.

All in all, it's a good day to be a Bears fan. Bring on the Texans.

Will He Stay or Will He Go?

Is Kyle Orton somehow playing for his job the next two weeks? While the Bears playoff hopes may be dwindling, it appears the great Neckbeard has something more to play for. Word around the City this week has been that the Bears may not extend Orton as next year's starter. Just a month ago this kind of talk would be blasphemy, but now it seems to be pretty serious. He has been less than stellar the last few weeks, but I think Orton is our best option.

In years past, this kind of talk would have been ludicrous. With our usual stifling defense, Orton's performance this year would have netted us 11, 12, maybe even 13 wins and a definite playoff berth. Look at what happened with the Sex Cannon a couple years ago? If anything, the Bears defense is costing Orton his job. Orton should definitely be renewed. He is young, talented and poised.

But what are the other options? Matt Cassel? Donovan McNabb? Cassel is just as unproven as Orton and McNabb is old. Both of those guys are fine, but is either really a better option than Neckbeard? I don't think so. Either way Neckbeard can help his own cause by playing well the next two weeks. A win against the Packers can put all the doubts to rest.

Today's Links

• Video of Wrigley being transformed for the Winter Classic. They should just leave the ice for the start of the season to make things interesting.
• Sandberg gets promoted to manage at AA level. 20 more ejections until AAA!
• Big get for Bruce Weber and the Illini in recruiting. Looks like that restraining order against Sampson is working out.
• Mr. Curry you have to pay for those gigantic clothes! Eddy Curry sued for outstanding clothing bills. And by outstanding, I mean41-grand in clothes.
• Orton hasn't been the same since the bye week. Still injured, or still bad?
• Uh oh, Skiles has found a pet in Milwaukee. That's right, Luke Ridnour.

Bears get a big win over Saints

That wasn't the prettiest win in Bears history, but it certainly was a huge win. Trailing the Vikings by a game and knowing the tiebreaker is in Minnesota's favor, the Bears pretty much had to win Thursday night. Here are some thoughts on the game:

Danieal Manning took care of any doubters as to his kick returning ability about five seconds into the game when he was already past the Saints coverage team. The blocking was also great on that return. That's right Devin, great blocking on the kick return.

What is it with the Bears when the ball is inside the two yard-line recently? If they could just play the game on 96 yards of the field, that would be best. Something strange happens when the ball gets inside the two. Last night it was a fumbled snap leading to the Saints first touchdown.
Hester is not a refined receiver, but his value is unmistakable. He accounted for a lot of penalty yards last night, including a pass interference call setting up the game winning kick. That's what his speed can do, and the more he gets accustomed to playing wide receiver the more dangerous he becomes. Muahahaha. Plus, if he returned a punt for a few yards, I'm sure Bears fans wouldn't mind that either.

Some more play-calling issues for both teams last night. I know Forte was a little dinged up and somehow the Bears running game was struggling against the Saints, yeah the New Orleans Saints, but when they got the fourth down stop, up four with around five minutes to play, it wasn't time to air it out. First a throw to Davis, who seemed to be thrown to every time they replaced the football with a bar of wet soap, which he predictably dropped. Then, the interception. I get it, the run game isn't working and you want to get a drive going, but even if that ball falls incomplete, you have to pass on third down. Now you've milked about 15 seconds off the clock and you're possibly punting. It actually looked like Orton checked in to that pass play on the pick, so maybe it wasn't that awful, but Orton should be docked his weekly Jack Daniels allowance if that was the case.

And Holy Ditka, what the hell was going on at the end of regulation? You run a play with seven seconds left when you need a field goal to tie? And it's the same play you just ran six seconds ago? Looked like the Saints were a little prepared for the pump and go to Olsen. Then Orton takes the sack?! That would have capped a very duechey night for the Neckbeard. Hey, duechey didn't show up on the spell check!

With the Vikings remaining schedule, a division championship actually looks possible. The Bears have the Pack at home and the Texans away to finish the year, while the Vikes are at Arizona, then get Atlanta and the Giants at home. Three very losable games there. Still, the Bears will need to play much better if they want to win their last two.

Bottom line, the Bears got the job done Thursday night and still have a shot at the postseason.

Lovie Smith's A Series Of Unfortunate Events Starring Ron Turner, Bob Babich, and The Bears Secondary

It would be foolish for me to blame the entire Bears loss on a one minute long momentum swing, but its hard not too. The series of events that changed the game:

• The Bears are up 7-3
  
• Benny Sapp personal foul keeps Bears drive alive
• Bears get the ball to the 1 yard line
• Bears cannot punch it in on 3 tries (highlighted by Ron Turner's old favorite, the fullback handoff. I don't think anyone ever sees that coming)
• Lovie inexplicably decides to go for it instead of kicking the field goal and taking a 10-3 lead. The Bears cannot convert and the Vikings take over at their 1-yard line
  
• Gus Frerrote throws a 99-yard pass to Bernard Berrian. A thin and possibly handicapped secondary (there has to be some explanation for how badly coverage broke down on this play) gets shredded for a touchdown.
• Bears are now down 10-7 and Minnesota doesn't look back

That was the worst game in the world, possibly on a par with the Green Bay loss. I literally could not find anything to be happy about. Orton had 3 picks, the receivers must have greased up their hands before the game, the run defense and the pass defense were horrendous, on special teams we couldn't get anything going, the list goes on and on.

I also want to know who called the fullback handoff, like literally the name. Was it Turner? Lovie? Who? I want to throw a brick through their window. You know what the worst part about this is long term? Adrian Peterson. We will never beat the Vikings so long as that guy is around. He is so filthy and we can do nothing to stop him. I'm disgusted.

The Neckbeard Will Heal All Wounds

It looks like Kyle Orton will be starting on Sunday, unless there are some unforeseen circumstances. Thank god:

Orton jogged off the field on his taped-up right ankle, proof that even if he was limited in the workout, he felt just fine.

''He's a lot better today than he was [Wednesday],'' coach Lovie Smith said. ''If he continues to make the same type of progress, hopefully we'll have him available.''

Barring a setback, count on it.

We're going to need him against the Packers.

Today's Links

• Some CEO beats Michael Jordan in one-on-one circa 2003. It's a bit painful to watch. You know MJ was not happy after this.
• Carlos Quentin and Carlos Zambrano bring home the Silver Sluggers at their positions in their respective leagues.
  
• Orton's status for Sunday remains unclear. We need him to play, but if he's hurt he's hurt and he shouldn't push it. Apparently Orton thinks Orton will play, however.
  
• Bulls beat a tired, old-looking Dallas team. After Dallas jumped out to a 19 point lead early, the Bulls stormed back and crushed them on Gordon's 35 points. Oh and Hughes is back and he actually played defense!
  
• Chicago Fire lose in the Eastern Conference Finals. So much for the vaunted soccer expert Rob's prediction.
• Tremendous Upside Potential talks about the Hawks. Decent article though I'm a little bitter that last night when I finally watched a Hawks game, they blew it in the shootout.

Today's Links

• Piniella wins the NL Manager of the Year award. Here's his reaction.
• ESPN could not reach...ESPN?...for comment on a story regarding the new BCS deal. Ha.
• Orton is back in Bears practice. His status for this weekend is uncertain, but the Neckbeard is 100% healthy.
• Notre Dame AD says that Charlie Weis' job is safe. Um, yeah, he's white.
• Will Dempster be a casualty of a Peavy trade to the Cubs? Not necessarily.
• John Hollinger's ratings are out and as usual he loves the Bulls. Notice how they are actually 10th in the East, but are ranked 11th overall by JH.
• Tons of injuries in this week's Michigan-Northwestern game. Sports Information interns are drawing up an index for the injury reports.

Today's Links

• Kyle Orton is optimistic he'll play in Green Bay this week. Playing through the injury; so Favre-y.
• Northwestern will move wide receiver Jeravin Matthews to running back because Omar Conteh is out for the season. Northwestern is averaging a season-ending injury per game.
• Is Charlie Weis on the hot seat? If so, I hope it's steel reinforced.
• Greg Couch is on my list, calls for the end of all things Rex Grossman. Classic case of cannon envy.
• A dispute after the LSU-Alabama game leads to the death of two Bama fans. Same thing almost happened to me after the Lions swept the Bears last season.
• To the bunker! Paint the Town Orange reacts to the Illinois loss to Western Michigan.
• The guys at Fire Joe Morgan are on red alert!

Neckbeard Thinks He's Starting

The Sex Cannon is back! It's going to be a longball-slinging, risk-taking party! Wooo...wait, what? Orton thinks he is still going to play this week? That neckbeard must have mutant healing powers because Kyle thinks he might play this week:

"I'm certainly not ruling out anything," Orton said when asked if he could play soon. "Just going week to week."

Orton said he has an ankle sprain. A source said Orton was told he'd be out three to four weeks but the quarterback isn't putting a timetable on his return.

"I feel like I got lucky," Orton said. "I'm hoping I don't miss any time."

I hope this didn't kill your boner StevieY19.

Today's Links

• Orton is out for 4 weeks with a high ankle sprain. It's the Sex Cannon's time to shine. Oh and did anyone notice Rex was growing a little neckbeard of his own?
• I love Rose as much as the next guy, but a rookie should be hazed no matter how good he is. Don't you think.
• The Eamus Catuli sign that counts the years since the last Cubs World Series on top of the building on Sheffield has been reconfigured. Some people think the sign should be taken down altogether.
  
• Nike's commercial for LeBron's new shoe is very weird. Just think of it as some sort of weird softcore porn starring King James.
• Top Ten potential White Sox pick ups this offseason.
  
• Ron Zook lands another top recruit for Illinois Football. What is this guy's secret? I hope its not cheating.
• Bears-Lions recap.
• Sam Smith weighs in on the Bulls win against Memphis. There's also a Derrick Rose interview in there.
• Brett Favre may seem old, but he's still breaking records. No longer will NFL fans be able to say that no quarterback has 300 career interceptions. Thanks Brett!
  

Bears Fun With Urban Dictionary

I tried this with the Cubs and it turned out pretty funny, so lets see how it goes with the Bears. Urban Dictionary is a great website. It is basically like wikipedia in that it is user generated, but the difference is it is for slang or "urban" words. Anyways, I decided to see how people "defined" certain Bears players, and I found some pretty funny ones. My favorite part is the italics, where the word is used in a sentence. Enjoy.

Orton-

A really disgusting sexual move where the man uses his penis to caress his own mouth to "turn on" a pig. Technically known as doing the orton.

"I just did this sick orton maaaaaaaaaan!!!!, because the pig was annoying me!"


Lance Briggs-

Dopey Chicago Bear that the Bears put the franchise tag on, so he threatened to hold out the season on the advice of his agent, who took the fight to the press. He eventually signed a one year deal instead of the multi-year guaranteed money deal he wanted. Subsequently he crashed his Lamborgdini at 3 AM and fled the scene. It would have been ironic if he would had a career ending injury, because the Bears wouldn't have been on the hook for the multi year deal.

Lance Briggs almost pulled a Ben Rothslenberger.


Rex Grossman-

1. To choke in the clutch, big game, under deadlines. To suck.

You sure did a Rex Grossman on that project Frank; you're fired.

2. A very slow spin move in Madden, used mostly by a QB.

"Shit dude, you just pulled a Rex Grossman."


Robbie Gould-

	adequentally and equally known as RFG. RFG is the kicker for the chicago bears, is the second coming of god, known for his 69 yard field goal in triple overtime from 1 leg with his eyes closed! oo yea and left footed. Robbie Fucking Gould is AMAZING is actually better then devin hester. not really "rfg is god and robbie gould"

Thank you Urban Dictionary for hours of fun. I'll run one of these on the Bulls soon. Lets just hope the Sex Cannon doesn't do an Orton on RFG. I don't know what that means either.

Today's Links

• Cubs looking at Roberts and Crisp. Again.
• God has some 'splaining to do. Your weekly link to KSK.
• NBA Central Division headlines to watch. No Stormin' Norman, Derrick Rose becoming the first rookie inducted into the Hall of Fame is not one of them.
• Rick Morrisey is singing my tune when it comes to Orton.
• Khabibulin gets the shutout, Sharp two points, as the Hawks beat Edmonton. Take that Canada! Hawks are 2-0-1 since Quenney took over.
• Phillies take game one of the World Series, but Tampa fans are starting to understand this "baseball" game.

Kyle Orton Says, "Please Take Me Back"

KSK is running a story about Kyle Orton begging fantasy football owners to take him back:

Please Take Me Back (For Your Fantasy Team)

Look, I know it’s been a rough road, especially with you going to England soon, but just give me another chance. I’ve been playing really well lately! I know I’ve burned you in the past, but…I…I just can’t believe you left me on waivers again. I guess I didn’t know what you were going through in 2005.

If you pick me up, I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ve already thrown more TDs than Peyton and Tom Brady combined, and only one of those guys is out for the year! I know your dad was busted by the IRS, but you can trust me on this. As soon as you put me in your starting lineup and hit “Submit Changes,” everything will be alright.

That picture is hilarious. This could apply to Bears fans as well as fantasy owners. Minor problem: We are basing this all on the Detroit game. Remember Detroit? The team that might go 0-16 this year? I'm pretty sure a high school team could put at least three TDs on them. I love KSK and the Neckbeard, but lets be cautious before we jump on this badnwagon...

Today's Links

• Cubs looking to sign Abreu to a three-year deal? I've always liked him.
• Bears recap. Can we play the Lions every week?
  
• They are pretty confident the Sox will win in 5 over at the Dong. Not sure why...
• I am obviously not in the mood to talk about the Cubs right now. Al over at BCB wrote a sad but accurate Elegy To The 2008 Cubs. Read that if you want. Whatever.
• At least the Brewers lost too.
• Wait, this guy chose amputation over surgery?
• Deadspin did a Bulls preview. Apparently the game NBA Live 09 has the Bulls winning 41 games and taking 4th in the East. Hell, I would take that.
• And your 2008 White Sox MVP is.....a coin! You know its true Sox fans.
• Kyle Orton does himself, us proud.
  

Bears Lacking in the "Artillery" Department

Bring back the Cannon!!!

If I'm going to watch the Bears lose, it better come with a side of hilarity in the form of the Sex Cannon. Orton is just so boring. Sure, he'll make a good throw now and then, but where are the interceptions twenty yards over the nearest receiver? Where are the fumbles that leave you in suspense during the first couple and rolling in laughter after the next three?

Seriously, I don't need to watch the Bears put up 17 points per week with the defense and special teams setting them all up and no Cannonage in the offense. We can watch Orton throw screen passes to defensive ends or Sexy Rexy sling bombs to safeties turned punt returners. Personally, I don't see a debate.

Bring back the Cannon and put the funniliungus back in the Bears offense.