Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Chicago Bears' Criminal Record Update

Radar Online does a complete analysis of the NFL in terms of DUIs, abuse, drugs and other fun criminal offenses. Here's their take on the Bears:

LAST YEAR'S RAP SHEET: Leaving the scene of an accident, drunk boating, resisting arrest, DUI.A few days before last season started, the Monsters of the Midway got a nice kick-start when star linebacker Lance Briggs crashed his Lamborghini Murcielago and amusingly left the scene. The momentum carried into the off-season, when awful running back Cedric Benson was busted for drinking on a boat, resisted the arrest, and used the opportunity to showcase his trademark toughness by crying for his momma after being pepper-sprayed. The following month, Benson was busted again in Austin for a DUI, this time in a land-roving vehicle.
KEY ADDITION: Rookie tight end Kellen Davis, who continued the long tradition of Michigan State misbehavior after getting into a bar fight back in '06.
KEY LOSS: Benson, who, while officially cut from the team for the above indiscretions, would have had a spot with the squad if he was, you know, any good.
PREDICTION: Crimes against humanity, after fans are forced to watch their anemic offense. Am I right? But seriously, this team's going to get a conspiracy to commit murder charge after they kill Brian Urlacher when his long-dormant Paris Hilton–inflicted venereal warts finally start spreading.


Sort of makes you miss those great old Tank Johnson days, doesn't it?

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